


Goodbye Dad

by Sammynughh



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 300th episode, Angst and Feels, Coda, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Feels, John Winchester Dead Again, M/M, Michael Still Banging In Dean's Head, No Sex, No Smut, POV Dean Winchester, Post-Episode: s14e13 Lebanon, Tissue Warning, Wincest - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-11
Updated: 2019-02-11
Packaged: 2019-10-26 13:31:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17746781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sammynughh/pseuds/Sammynughh
Summary: WARNING MATURE AUDIENCES ONLYTHIS IS WINCESTAngst with Feelings, No Sex, No Smut, Kissing and Comforting. Mary's Reaction After, Tissue WarningWORDS: 1296 Work is CompleteSUMMARY: (S14, E13 - Lebanon - EPISODE 300)[POV - Dean Winchester]John disappears as soon as the wishing pearl is crushed by Sam. This is what happens after. Have tissue handy because this is gonna be full of feels.Wincest Canon-divergent meaning the story line was completely altered from SPN canon facts on purpose. SPN Characters are not mine.





	Goodbye Dad

[POV - Dean Winchester]

 

And he just faded away.

I honestly thought that the minute he disappeared, we'd all forget he was ever there just a second ago. That our dad's return from death would have been forgotten as if it never happened.

No. We all remember.

Mom bursts into heaving sobs a few moments after. She starts shaking and looks as if she might fall to her knees.

Sam and I both quickly wrap her into our arms. We stand there hugging and crying. All three of us mourning John Winchester.

Sam wipes away her tears. I stroke her hair. "You going to be okay?"

She just nods her head as tears keep falling. "I'm going lay down. I just need some time."

Sam and I let her go.

"Love you mom." Sam says this so quietly. He looks so sad.

Mom kisses his cheek. "Love you too, sweetheart."

"Mom, I'm sorry." I feel so bad for her.

"Why Dean?" She wipes at her tears. "You gave us a wonderful gift. Don't you dare..." she starts crying again and hugs me.

I hold my mother and I'm now more grateful for Amara's gift to me than ever. My tears won't stop either. "Love you."

She looks into my eyes and palms my cheek. "Love you too, baby."

I rub her shoulder as she takes off toward her room.

Sam's still a mess. He's standing in front of the crushed pearl. Just staring at it with tears in his eyes. I stand beside him a couple minutes and watch him. Finally, I place my hand on his lower back and he jumps.

I remove my hand quickly. "Sorry. You alright?"

He looks up from the pearl dust and into my eyes. "I didn't want to do that."

"I know. None of us wanted him to go."

"I didn't want to be the one to send him back." He looks away from me and back at the dust on the table. "I just couldn't let you or mom be the ones to do it."

I hug my brother from the side. I start sobbing uncontrollably. "I sorry Sammy."

Sam turns into my embrace and we hold each other as we weep for our father.

"I tried Sammy. Honest. I want this bastard out of my head. I guess my heart just.." I gasp trying to control my sorrow. "I needed my dad. I've needed him for so long now."

Sam nods against my shoulder. "Me too. I finally got to say goodbye. I can also let go of that horrible memory." He sniffles. "Him on that hospital floor."

I nod in agreement. My fingers move through Sam's hair. "I'm sorry you had to be the one to crush it and send him back. I feel bad about that."

Sam looks into my red puffy eyes. His are the same. "I'm glad your heart wished for this, Dean. I mean it." He touches my temple. "We'll get him out another way."

I press my forehead to his. "I believe in us."

He kisses my forehead then takes my hand. He leads me to my bedroom. "Mind if I bunk here tonight?"

"I don't mind."

Sam's being a bit clingy and I get it. We just lost our dad again. He believes he's on the cusp of losing me too. My heart aches for him more than mom or myself even.

We're in my bed, spooned together in the dark. It's quiet except for Sam's occasional sniffles and deep breaths. That's when Michael starts up again in full force.

I do my best to ignore the banging, but my head hurts so bad already. That evil prick Cas that beat me up and all this crying has my head hurting already. Now fucking Michael has started in and he won't quit any time soon.

"You're trembling. You okay?" Sam can feel me shaking. Sam is the little spoon. He's always the little spoon.

I thought my shaking was internal. Guess not. "I'll be okay. Try to get some sleep."

"Melatonin or whiskey?" Sam holds my hand to his chest.

"Huh?" I'm confused.

"You need to pick one. Hell, I need to pick one. We need to sleep or get drunk. I can't stand this." Now he's noticeably trembling.

I get up and turn on the lamp.

Sam sits up.

I pull a bottle of Johnny Walker Blue Label from my nightstand. "This is my emergency bottle. I think this qualifies." I open the bottle and look for a cup or glass of any kind by my bed. None. Fuck it. I take a swig straight from the bottle. "Ohhh. That's good." I hand the bottle to my little brother.

Sam looks at the bottle. "You even wrote "EMERGENCY BOTTLE" on it. Nice." He takes a drink and hisses after. "Good idea." He takes another drink then passes the bottle back to me.

We get half of the bottle down before Michael's pounding subsides into background noise again.

Sam's taking a drink when I lean toward him and rest my head on his shoulder. "I deserved that punch you gave me."

He sets the bottle down. "You did."

It's said that alcohol frees your inhibitions. You say things and do things you normally wouldn't. I normally would keep my thoughts to myself. Especially my deepest fears and wants. "I'm scared Sammy. Not so much for myself. Hell, I've died so many times that death is second nature now. I'm afraid that at any minute this door..." I tap my temple. "...will break open and that will be it. He'll kill everyone I love first." I look into my brother's eyes. "I won't be able to stop him. He'll kill you, mom, Cas and Jack. Sammy, as far as I'm concerned, the world can burn after that. Once he does that, I'm finished."

Sam holds my face in his hands. "Please hear me and get this through your thick skull. We will fight to keep him locked up. We will fight against him when and if he escapes. We will fight until the the world ignites. When it comes to you." Sam is looking at me with the most amazing eyes. "I've said it before. Let the world burn."

Suddenly his lips are on mine. It's not a demanding or aggressive kiss. It's the kind of kiss that tells me he loves me more than life itself. It's soft and shorter than I needed it to be.

He releases my face and quickly wipes at his tears. "I'm sorry. I'm getting a little drunk, but I meant what I said."

I tilt his face back toward me. "Okay Sammy. I'll fight and hang on as long as I can." My hand slips behind his neck and I pull him in for another kiss. My heart is aching right now because we lost dad again and the idea of losing Sam has my chest hurting even more. I can't let it happen. It's why I built that damn coffin in the first place, but I promised Sam I'd fight and I will. I'll fight for him.

We kiss until our lips are as puffy and swollen as our eyes. The taste of whiskey and Sam has helped ease the pain some. I hope it's helped him too. I always worry about him.

Sam's laying with his head on my chest. I'm fingering his hair. "How you feelin Sammy?"

He yawns. "Tired and miserable."

I understand that. "Ditto. Try and sleep." I kiss his forehead. "I'm not going anywhere."

Sam holds me tighter.

I hold him tighter. "Promise."

Neither of us will sleep but maybe a few minutes. Our hearts are too fucked up for sleep, but at least we still have each other. For now anyway.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading Goodbye Dad. Please let me know what you think. Your kudos and comments encourage me more than you could ever imagine. ❤


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